When I returned to Nagoya from Tokyo for the first time in 20 years, the first thing I should have done was visit you at Higashiyama Zoo to say hello.
Some 20 years ago, I was living in a rental apartment in Nagoya with my wife, and we didn’t get along very well. Also, I couldn’t perform very well at work. I was caught in a negative spiral in every aspect, causing uncontrollable chaos inside me.
Lacking dedication to my work or even leisure activities, I lived every day with no purpose. The only thing that set the pace in my daily life was the teachers’ voices emanating from the junior high school across from my apartment. I don’t know why, but I have no recollection of hearing voices from the students. Standing at the school gate in the morning, these teachers exchanged morning greetings with the students coming to school. “Good morning!” “Good morning!” I would often imitate the teachers’ unique intonation in front of my wife, which I assume slightly helped ease the tension in our relationship. Their greetings were sometimes interspersed with other remarks, such as “Hey, guys, hurry up!” or “Look both ways before you cross the street!” which also aroused laughter from us.
Even though I could not get along well with my wife or perform well at my work, somehow my writing activity was going well. I won a literature award for best new talent, leading to my original short work being included in a paperback anthology. Accordingly, when I was transferred to Tokyo, home to many publishing companies, I thought that I had been promoted.
In reality, however, my new appointment was a step down. I assume the company wanted to fire me because I was not industrious enough and was always writing novels. My boss in Tokyo did not try to understand me. He asked me questions that led me to resign from the company for my own convenience.
Nevertheless, I did not leave Tokyo soon and continued to stay there with persistence even after losing my job, simply because I could not find anywhere else that I could stay.
After all, I could not develop my career as a writer, either. I became totally unemployed.
I set your photograph in a photo frame. My wife would often call me “elephant-crazy.” I was happy to be called that. Since my childhood, I had been crazy about African elephants. Nothing else was above youa magnificent creature with short tusks and a calm demeanor. I took that photo when I skipped work on a weekday to see you at the zoo immediately before I was transferred to Tokyo. My awful situation did not change at all. Still, I could at least forget everything when I was with you.
After a long, fruitless period of 20 years, I finally returned with my wife to our hometown Nagoya.
I always missed you. I thought that now that I was living in Nagoya again, I could see you anytime because you were only a few minutes away from me by subway. You would surely be there.
However, my wish was not fulfilled due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
I returned to Nagoya shortly after the beginning of the year of the start of the pandemic. In those days, there was not so much fuss about the pandemic. Only a few people wore masks on the streets. If it had not been winter, almost nobody would have worn masks.
I needed to take care of various matters after moving and was busy as a writer, a job from which I earned a little bit of money. This made me continue to postpone visiting you. Then, Higashiyama Zoo was closed. I had no idea when the zoo would be reopened. I suddenly became restless. What if I could not see your forever?
Later, the zoo reopened. Still, I did not go to the zoo to see you. This was entirely due to my laziness. I assume I expected that I could see you anytime.
Finally, that day, August 10, 2020, came.
A local news piece made me keenly realize how cruel and hopelessly merciless the world was. The only African elephant in Higashiyama Zoo, Kenny, had passed away. The news made me cry. A man well into his 60s crying bitterly over the death of a African elephant.
I didn’t know that your name was Kenny until then.
I finally headed to the zoo. I was all in a sweat in front of the table for offering flowers to you. I did not go with my wife. Our relationship had improved a long time before, but I rejected her offer to come with me, fearing that she might feel sick under the burning sky because she was constitutionally weak in summer.
It was lucky for me that it was a scorching summer. Sweat continued to pour down from my forehead, preventing anyone around me from recognizing that I was wiping not sweat but tears.

東京から二十年ぶりに名古屋へ帰ってきたとき、真っ先にすべきは東山動物園にきみを訪ね、きちんと挨拶することだったのだ。
　二十年前、僕は妻ともに名古屋の賃貸マンションに住んでおり、夫婦仲はよくなかった。会社の成績も振るわなかった。すべてが負のスパイラルで、手のつけようがないほど僕の内面はカオス状態だった。
　仕事に打ち込むでもなく、趣味に走るでもなく、ただだらだらと毎日を過ごしていた。唯一のペースメーカーはマンションの向かいにある中学校から聞こえてくる教師たちの声だった。なぜか、生徒たちが騒いでいた記憶がない。教師は朝の登校時に校門の近くに立ち、やってくる中学生たちに挨拶をしていた。おはようございまーす。おはようございまーす。独特の抑揚を、僕は妻の前で模倣したものだ。それで少しは夫婦仲も和んだと思う。ときおり夾雑物が混じる。さあさあ、そこ急いだ急いだ。左右をちゃんと見て！これも、僕たち夫婦の笑いの種だった。
　夫婦仲も会社での成績もよくなかったが、なぜか執筆活動は順調だった。とある文学新人賞に入選した。それがきっかけで、文庫のアンソロジーにオリジナルの短編が収録された。だから、出版社が集中する東京への転勤は栄転だと思ったのだ。
　実際には左遷(させん)だった。たぶん、会社は不真面目で小説ばかり書いていた僕をクビにしたかったのだろう。東京の上司は僕の理解者ではなかった。僕を誘導尋問して、自己都合の退職に追い込んだ。
　それでもすぐに東京を引き払わず、失業したあともしつこく東京に居続けたのは、単に、ほかに居場所を見つけることができなかったに過ぎない。
　結局、僕は作家としても後が続かず、完全失業者になった。
　フォトフレームに、僕はきみの写真を飾った。妻は言ったものだ。ゾウフェチ。妻は僕をそう呼んだ。不満はなかった。幼い頃から、僕はアフリカゾウが好きで好きでたまらなかった。牙の短い、穏やかな顔のアフリカゾウのきみが、僕には最高の存在だった。この写真も、東京へ転勤になる直前、会社をサボって平日にきみを見に行ったときのものだ。惨状はまったく変化しなかった。しかし、少なくともきみといっしょにいられた瞬間はすべてを忘れられた。
　二十年もの長い無駄な年月を経て、僕たち夫婦はやっと故郷の名古屋にＵターンした。
　僕はきみのことを思い続けていた。また名古屋に住めば、いつでもきみに会える。地下鉄でほんの数分の距離に、きみはいる。確かにいる。
　だが、僕の願いをコロナ禍が阻んだ。
　名古屋に帰ってきたのは年明け早々。世間はまだコロナで騒いではいなかった。道行く人のマスク姿もまばら。これが冬でなかったら、マスク姿はほとんどなかっただろう。
　引っ越しのゴタゴタと、細々と収入を得ているライターの仕事で忙しく、きみへの再訪は伸ばし伸ばしになった。そして、東山動物園は閉園した。いつ開園するか、それすらわからない。とたんに僕を焦燥感が襲う。このまま、きみと会えなくなってしまうのか。
　その後、動物園はやっと開園する。しかし、それでも僕はきみに会いに行かなかった。すべては僕の怠惰のなせるわざだ。やはり、いつでも会えると思っていたのだろう。
　そして、令和二年八月十日がやってきた。
　ひとつのローカルニュースが、僕に世の中の非情さ、どうしようもない救いのなさを痛感させた。東山動物園の唯一のアフリカゾウ、ケニーが永眠。僕は泣いた。とっくに還暦を過ぎている男が、アフリカゾウのために号泣した。
　そしてきみの名がケニーであることを初めて知った。
　やっと僕は動物園に足を向けた。献花台の前で、僕は汗みずくになっていた。妻は同行しなかった。妻との仲はとうに修復されていたが、夏に弱い彼女は炎天下できっとダウンすると思って同行の申し出を辞退したのだ。
　夏の炎天下だったからよかった。額から汗が浮き出るのが止まらず、周囲の人は僕が汗ではなく涙を拭っていたことに気づきもしなかった。