Image is not available
Image is not available
Image is not available
Image is not available
Image is not available
Image is not available
Image is not available
Image is not available
Worries of A Girls’ Comic Creator in Her 40s


Worries of A Girls’ Comic Creator in Her 40s


Young people are invincible.
Facing this natural reality, I feel devastated, alone in front of my PC. As a woman in her mid-40s, I casually look down at my hands. The blue veins on my hands moving the mouse seem more evident than before. The tone of my voice, which is my only attractive feature, has perhaps become lower… I feel empty. Why do I have to continue to work alone without taking a step out of this room in my cramped apartment?
“Just to live, of course.” Rina, my only daughter, comes into my room with the drifting smell of a bitter chocolate drink. The drink she has brought me is a combination of Brazil chocolate and praline truffe, which often gives me a boost to come up with good ideas. Placing the Origo mug on the side table, Rina says, “Oh, I’ve also got you this, a Blu-ray film that you’ve wanted to check out.” Bringing her completely spotless and smooth-skinned face closer to mine, she hands me the disc with a smile and leaves the room swiftly. Although it is a holiday, she is probably going to take a mock examination or an EIKEN examination. The high school student also seems busy.
I like movies that depict the youth of characters and usually watch such works both for profit and pleasure. However, lately, the lively energy from the actors on the screen seems so dazzling that I have begun to feel strangely sad or left behind. Nevertheless, I cannot avoid watching the movie because it’s an important material for my next work. Heaving a sigh, I place the disc jacket on my desk, with the coffee mug in my hand.

When my husband left us, saying “I want to distance myself from you,” I was still in my mid-30s. I broke up with him unexpectedly easily, and I believe that this was not completely unrelated to my age at the time. Taking account of the child support payments from him, the inheritance from my parents, and my earnings, though only slight, from creating comics, I expected that we could make a living if we didn’t live a luxurious life. As is often the case with young people, I was overconfident, which encouraged me to make the bold decision. Also, I was greatly pleased that I could gain my freedom once again. In those days, I had something that propelled me to move toward a new future.

After all, what was I after? Did I want to work as a girls’ comic creator living in Nagoya? No. I happened to know an editor, who suggested that I create a work. I made a casual attempt, saying that it might be good to do this if there was demand, and my creation activity drags on to this day. I create works for Rina and for living. These reasons are not false, but I have been using them as excuses to avoid looking at my real feeling.

In this situation, I have suddenly begun to be captivated by the world of so-called “boys’ love.” In movies about boys’ love, romantic sentiments are depicted in a very delicate manner. A character conveys his serious, sincere feeling to his partner, not only through his wording, but also his look, eyes, fingertips, and all the other elements of his five senses. I imagined that movies about boys’ love would be sexually explicit, and thus they would not be to my taste, even though I had never seen them before. However, straight male actors devote themselves to their works literally physically. While controlling their emotions, such actors look very natural on the screen as if nothing special has happened. I’m sometimes totally blown away, probably because their straightforward, firm attitude toward acting may strike a chord with me.
In a movie, when a character finds his one and only other half, as depicted in a work by Plato, he never tries to suppress his feeling even if he is confused and hurt. When someone loves someone, whether straight or gay, they have only sincere, pure feelings, which deeply impresses me, even though they are acting.

Standing at a window, I see Rina off from behind and wave my hand. Her slim body in her school uniform without any unwanted flab reminds me of the bud of a tulip that I’m growing in a planter. Sooner or later, she will leave this home to produce her own beautiful flower.
When that time comes, will I be able to see her off with a smile as I’ve done today? Now might be the last opportunity for me to face myself. The deadline for discovering a new weapon instead of my waning youth is now just around the corner.










eskişehir bayan escort - escort eskişehir - eskişehir escort - izmir escort bayan - escort